Because of you

by Kelly Clarkson

I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself
Cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did,
You fell so hard
I've learned the hard way
To never let it get that far
Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of youI find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid
I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because I know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake
A smile, a laugh everyday of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with
Because of youI never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of youI learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of youI find it hard to trust not only me,
but everyone around me
Because of youI am afraid
I watched you die
I heard you cry every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry in the middle of the night
For the same damn thing
Because of youI never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of youI learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of youI try my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of youI'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
Because of you I am afraid
Because of you
Because of you
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This song entails all the exact words I have long wanted to burst out of my heart and mouth a few days after I found out that he cheated me. Now maybe you are all wondrin why the hell am I bringing back all that happened?????...... Well I guess this is really not a start of dwelling and being bitter but accepting everything and I mean everything well except to be a friend to him, I mean it is not impossible I guess, but I guess it cannot just happen just now. I have kept everything to my family,my friends, and to most of the people who adores me and kept hope on us...I just so not want them to get mad at him, or atleast hate the person that they have pictured to be the very person who will be a forever part of me...but life and the one up there told me that he is not meant for me...that I so not deserve a person who will just eventually hurt me and is not really into me!

I just don't understand after all the promises and the plans it all boils down to hurtin and leaving loose ends and questions that I guess will just stay as it is...forever question mark. Yeah Iam over and better now, but sometimes, it just hits me, it just makes me think twice and thrice and again and again, I know I don't have to blame myself and pity myself the worst, it's just sometimes you wish you have a clearer picture of everything that happened in your life. And even though it hurts atleast you know, yeah atleast you know.

Iam not actually worried that he thinks am still nutso over him, Iam just worried that I won't be able to trust men as I used to, coz yeah as Kelly sang on her latest song, Iam just so afraid. And yeah, at this time and age...Iam ashamed, kinda ashamed to some people especially my close relatives that am still alone, and sometimes it gets me affected, nobody, yeah as in nobody intimately loves me ahheheheheheh......or is not really into me....

Am okay, am alright just whining about singlehood but the good news is I guess but am better......and wiser in some sort of way, most importantly I have learned my lesson.

I try not to dwell on the nega sometimes, Iam just human...I sometimes complain but what really matters is that Iam okay, Iam better, and smiling and just waiting for a brighter day even though there seems to be a problem of sorts along the way.....

Again, so what if Iam single??? Because of you....nah, I don't blame you for making me sorta paranoid and semi-bitter....in some sort of way am afraid not of being single but being so not trusty.But I know I subconciously know I will try not to doubt about them and their motives unless I gave them a chance to present themselves.....I said I will try.....But in a way, it never hurts to be so sure sometimes and be very careful, right?

I'll be fine...for all we know, this too shall pass.