i dont wanna work later, i just came from a movie with shiela this morning from 8am till ryt now at almost 4pm, havent sleep just yet in time for work later at 10pm...and i wanna ask what is really with me, that i seem to just really down and out and yes, so lonely.

i yet have to find out why am not just over with him, why am still yearning that we talk and try to patch things up, not really patch things and be together again, but atleast try to be friends....and talk and who knows...be civil and laugh at the times we taught we were really inlove...like hey, it is possible...

iam not sure if that is what i really wanna do, it is just so hard compromising to myself that i will be okay and that things like this happen, for a reason, but gosh...for 5 freaking months, he has yet to talk to me and say things that will really open my eyes and wake up the naive in me! that really he has done me wrong a lot of times and that iam just human to really hate him and leave him out of my life forever.

i know his reasons, i know there is another person in his life....and that he is not really dead in love with me anymore....but i just wanna ask him why he left me this way, why is he trying again to make me feel that there is still a chance but cannot straightforwardly tell me that? why he left me when i know and he knows that i love him more than anyone, he was my strength and my hope, that he is my sole inspiration in everything i do, that i need him to boost the insecure person in me, that he is a believer in my cpacity as a person and that he was the love of my life despite the fact of our differences. he is the true definition of what iam not.he was my idol, my setter, my everything...he is the very person i truly loved and adored, the very first person i thought i was ready to spend my whole entire life.

lately, he has been coming in again of my life, though not definitely.i mean he is leaving messages on my yahoo msgr, tetxting me some hi's and hello's and reminding me to fall inlove again this time with the right and deserving person for the person that iam, and that whenever i need him for such matured advices, he will be around, will always be around for me.....
and yes, these are some of the confusing actuations he has been doin for quite sometime now. if we are just bound to be friends, i dont know, if we are really meant to be together, i still dont know. i just wanna ask him why do he always hurt me this way, leaving me pointblankly, clueless.

if this is how it is really to fall in love with the wrong person, i am not sure if i wanna fall in love again.

falling in love with the wrong person, that is.

people, am still hoping the right one comes along.