am actually not at home...i just wanna be able to go out of the house and have some quiet time by myself. considering there is computer and internet at home, i have come to the point where i dont wanna hear my mom nag or my dad blurb about something so babaw! actually i feel like shouting and blurting some so really not good words on their immaturity, but who am i again to talk to them that way, they will never learn and they will always think that they know better, they are right, yadadada...dada.....same old crap. what is the sense....so rather than being the bitch that i really wanna be.....i just went out of the house, got my laundry and purse and there i go...go to my best friend for the the past few days, again right in front of the monitor and write and whine and just eb myself atleast for an hr or two....
i dunno i feel like people are so critical of me, so judgemental of what iam and what i got to say, and really i dont feel like talking to anyone even to people i really do trust (pardon me, my friendships, i just know i feel this way and i dont wanna be able to hurt your feelings..am just in this moodish thingie where iam the just so sensitive of things and idea..i just wanna be able to have the peace i deserve...i just wanna be happy.....happy to be me....so here iam in my niche....in my wonderland)
iam at net cafe, with headphones on my ears, listening to you tube music, and online but so invisible...i just wanna talk to my blog, and yeah yeah, talk to you, and later on you will find out that really something is wrong with me......i am just again so proud to actually say am sad and empty inside....but not that i wanna deny that fact...i just wanna be able to say to myself that i can work on it....that i dont wanna be miserable and be empty...i wanna relax but i dont wanna watch movie, i wanna eat but dont feel like eating.
yeah yeah am so sad..sad to even honestly speak about it..i am in a situation right now that am indeed okay at work, but i wish i could have the friends that i had long before the changes i chose...really things dont work the way you always plan it to be....and sometimes it will just makes you realize that you can have evrything at the same time...and if there is a happy face, there will be a sad face as well...you get what i mean...life is not all about haha...heheh...and it just gives me the crap..it just makes me feel so mad about life, and realization...but then again...who am i to ask for everything...and then again...it will make me think and realize again that...in order to learn we must go through phases to be able to learn life's adversities....ayh somwetimes..i just dont get it...but i need to..right????
am i making sense....i should have titled this entry birthday jitters......am so mad but i dont know to who, and why, and where......i just feel so empty...so not being cared much...so useless, so, nothing.....life is nowhere after a year....am still the same old shit.....
wateva...who knew????
sorry bout this cheesy entry...i need to blurt this out......
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