iam not miserable, but iam also not happy

iam not miserable, but iam not also happy.....

i dunno what is with me lately,i feel like iam just gonna explode all of a sudden and burst out crying...not about him really, not now, I KNOW IAM NOT OVER HIM...but i refuse to be miserable bcoz of him.
maybe am tired of a lot of things, work....especially now that things are changing....and i don't like it....especially that my beloved TL is not in our campaign anymore bcoz of sheeeeeezz of all things, politics....iam starting to get mad now, life is so unfair....and unjust as much as i want to voice out my concerns....we dont have that freedom....here or else, we'll get ditched....like her...out ever great team leadah!
iam also tired saying the same old shit evrynight of the the day...i just realized, iam not enjoying anymore...i have no growth here in my present company....i need a change i know, problem is where to...how....what now?
iam getting tired at home...last night, i heard my mom yell after she and my dad had an altercation, i know its pretty normal for the both of them, they do clash a lot....and i mean a whole lot, even petty things, and iam used to it...it's just that yell woke me up from my sleep....i have work at 2am...and wat i got....another predicament from my so childish parents......
before when they have that fight, i do meddle, but last nyt,i was just so tired,and went back to sleep, so as not to hear anymore of those exchange of harsh words....i put my earphones and just listened to the radio....and just dozed off.............off i went to work still sleepy, lacking that much needed sleep.

today is one of those days that i realize a lot of things
1. some people will do anything to get that something...even they don't deserve it. iam proud that iam not one of those people. hardwork pays..maybe not here in our homeland..but as long as i know i did my best....what else matters?
2. people will always question your motives, even if you mean well.
3. trust is the basic rule in friendship, and most likely hard to find in any of your so-called friends.
4. you can't keep a secret in your workplace. somebody will always try to eavesdrop.
5. that the postive motivating force in our life will always be ourselves. some people will always try to pull us down but in the end..you have a choice of not letting them bring you down.

iam dedicating this spot to our dear team leader marla.....things do change....but you will always be the team leader i am looking up to...and not to mention a friend that will always be around yes, even in the worst of times. you will always be my great, team leader!!!! yes, garet was right in telling us that you kept us intact.....smile gurl, things will get better! way to go sistah!!!!