Bye Butterfly

Letting Go is the greatest paradox.....

I used to loved someone that he gives me butterflies in my stomach.
We met in April 2005....we were so different from each other...he is in Cali and me enjoying Manila.
He is so jealous...am not...
He is so immature..I always understand.
Yet he moves me with the simplest way...his phonecalls just makes my day.
The chats are something I look forward everytime I go home....though am tired..I just need to have time for him.
I thought 2 years of those endless texts, chats and phone calls are enough proof how much I relied on us...his promise and our love...
More than a month ago...I tried to expect again.Our accidental chat turned out to be another one of his games. Though I very well know...that he is still very much on with his gf here, I indulged in our phone conversations, even considered the idea of getting back with him for the nth time.
I know it was so selfish of me..and I never ever wanna be the third wheel, the 2nd best and the other girl.
Though I know how selfish that idea is, it is my only way to be with him..his phone calls were my only solace on me being alone and empty...his being so jealous makes me say he loves me so much..or so I thought.
I know the very day I encouraged him to call me and on the side let him expect that it's okay that he has her and she has me....I know it's wrong but it's so hard to explain..I loved him...I still do..
And then I realized..it was so not worth it..I fear that the happiness will be just short lived..
He loved her more....
And me....am just...someone he knows won't leave him that easy.

I hid it from everyone..from my family...my friends..my close friends...which I know is so unfair..but am spurting it all out because I made up my mind to stop expecting and hoping for someone who won't give a good fight for our love.
I just realized the butterfly that I have taken care of and hurt me needs to fly on his own and play his own game and if it may mean him looking for that one great happiness in my expense...I give up

I think 2 years of waiting for you to grow up is enough.

Now is the time for me to search for the real happiness....and my own very own butterfly.


:)


My heart is not happy but it's not empty...
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And yeah...though am, dateless this heart's day...........(so what?)
HAPPY VALENTINES to all!!!!