Unsent

To the most insensitive guy i've ever loved,

i know am actually not good, but am trying, what im saying is, i know things dont always work the way it should be, even if you mean all what you say and even if you think you did your outmost best just to prove your worth and to actually let you feel that im worth it...iam definitely worth it.
i wanted to stoop down and reach you out...i want to cross the miles and distance that we have in between just to let you feel how valuable you are to me, i did not care if it may mean not having a penny after a day for trying to text you and to atleast hear your voice, i defintiely did not regret every phone card i spend, every text msg i tried to text you back everytime you message me.no i did not feel bad though am sleepy and you wanted to chat around and just fool around and just try to say hi and then you will be the first one to say goodbye.i adjusted myself just so you know how important you are to me...even if it may mean me not having enough sleep,and budget less for the rest of the days till pay day...these things i sacrificed in the hope that i may try to convince you and let you feel that indeed not only i adored and love your company i definitely care and love you in the truest sense of the word.i definetely did love you and im not sure if i still do...but yeah perhaps maybe...
i came across your page and your blog and i cant help but notice the status right beside your name, married, and so much inlove with your current.....am not bitter but sometimes things cross on my mind and still happen to ask you what the hell happened...i mean all these year and 5 mos that we were together...we had a great time, yeah we were on and off, we quarreled and we fight yet we find our ways to get back together..and that is when i felt how you loved me, you tried to win me back several times, cried in the middle of the night to beg and to come back to me, until i found out how truth does definitely hurt when it confronts you straight faced...you met someone in the net and you are in love...went to see the pictures, went to read how you love and cared about each other, the plans you have in the future how you met each other's family even not meeting each other yet...dang...it feels like i'm stucked with a knife straight on my chest...it's just indirectly telling me how my efforts are worthless compared to the love you two shared.
i defintely felt so used and cheated, i dont think i deserve to be treated that way, considering you tried to win me back last sept..and then after a month you just tried to cover your assess yet you were caught and during that time you even told me that it was all my fault.
i know i kinda know the set up but am not expecting to be the only victim in here...a lot of times i wanted to tell your current how you cheated me, how you were still with me when you tried to have her...how you also cheated her the time you were together..the smile that you show on your face and everything you do for her makes me change my mind
but at the back of my mind you were so unfair...so unfair and i wish i have the courage to fight back and just try to see how revenge feels like......
but nah..what for....
you're not worth fighting for and wasting my time
i just wish you well, nah am sincere, just don't go looking for me from now on when you've got problems of your own...i know you're doing fine now...i will have to be fine myself as well...

yah alone again naturally...but surviving


Dee