wats with the sadness?

i am finding it hard to really smile genuinely the past few days. most of the time iam in paranoia, am in a jungle full of strangers. and what have you's!
i dunno if this is just a feeling but i have been finding it real hard to really adjust to things, and people and work and all.
everytime i wake up from my day sleep going to work, it's as if i have a lump on my throat...and a stone in my chest..i just can't breathe.
sometimes my mind just keeps bugging me what did i do wrong, have i made the right choices, is this the price i need to pay for the sudden decision....i mean..i know i have thought about things gazillion times. and i know i just want the best for me and i just need to be on the right track but why am i a not that totally happy even so???
yah, am in sappy side i guess, and i know it wouldnt do me good at all. here at home i just smile and all but i just don't say anything...the other night i was going to work crying on the cab and wish it was my off, and when am about to go home, i was also cryin.
I mean my God, i know, i prayed and hoped for this, i wanted this so bad but why am i still not happy?
More so, i dont have the confidence that i can do my work effectively with the sudden changes and some critical people around you...
I wish things could be more specific and clearer in the days to come, i have talked to a colleague a while ago and I told him what my fear was, but he told me, you are already here...so just go for it...
I want to, but my mind and my heart says...
Till when???
Dazed and confuse iam again!!!!

Bleh!
Ayh buhay para talagang life!