yah i know..it's been forever
it has been a while since my last post. the last few weeks has been both tormenting and discouraging for me..at times i really don't know what to do or what to say..one thing is for sure, am not my old self again lately...i mean i know i handle difficulties sometimes so awkwardly and weakly, and yet i know i could have done better...but then again, i chose to cry and the crying won't stop till i am close to barely breathing...it's just painful finding out one thing you never thought one person would do to you, and the whole time you thought he was sincere and genuine. finding the naked truth of his whole naked being at this point was really pointless yet i was so hurt and felt fooled for the whole two years we have been together. my point is, why did he made me feel this way, why would he lie and lie and lie and lie and make me believe.
i know my friends will for the nth time tell me...the same thing over and over again that i defintely just charge it to experience...and move on, but really ever since the day i found out about his BIG LIE i couldn't really accept the fact, and questioning him why would he do this to me? how could this happen to me. such a scary thought i thought won't ever happen to me is happening right before my eyes right now, and believe me...you wish you are not in my shoes at the moment. like right now, i have this temper, that would just spurt out on me, and say things that i thought won't ever say, cry in the middle of the night, have sleepless nights and cry again....have this empty spaces at just any point in time including at work, not really listening to what people say or do, until they get your attention that you're not really paying attention, not eat at regular hours and when you eat, you eat a lot, and just spill out, habe headaches thinkin bout everything. and most of all, saying to yourself that you're such a fool for not even noticing.
am tired bout these bouts. it will be a year since we broke up and i thought am over with him. i really thought i was over him, am just doin fine with my life until the mid of november. it all came back to me..and it has never felt so painful the day i said good-bye to US.
Coz you know why??? there was really never an US. i was so alone assuming we had a relationship, and it was only I who loved him sincerely and genuinely and truthfully. he lied to me the whole time...and it was a painful truth that you wish you never loved the peson at all.
yeah, it's almost a year, but i felt, it has been forever.
i'll be fine. and when? i just don't know.
i know my friends will for the nth time tell me...the same thing over and over again that i defintely just charge it to experience...and move on, but really ever since the day i found out about his BIG LIE i couldn't really accept the fact, and questioning him why would he do this to me? how could this happen to me. such a scary thought i thought won't ever happen to me is happening right before my eyes right now, and believe me...you wish you are not in my shoes at the moment. like right now, i have this temper, that would just spurt out on me, and say things that i thought won't ever say, cry in the middle of the night, have sleepless nights and cry again....have this empty spaces at just any point in time including at work, not really listening to what people say or do, until they get your attention that you're not really paying attention, not eat at regular hours and when you eat, you eat a lot, and just spill out, habe headaches thinkin bout everything. and most of all, saying to yourself that you're such a fool for not even noticing.
am tired bout these bouts. it will be a year since we broke up and i thought am over with him. i really thought i was over him, am just doin fine with my life until the mid of november. it all came back to me..and it has never felt so painful the day i said good-bye to US.
Coz you know why??? there was really never an US. i was so alone assuming we had a relationship, and it was only I who loved him sincerely and genuinely and truthfully. he lied to me the whole time...and it was a painful truth that you wish you never loved the peson at all.
yeah, it's almost a year, but i felt, it has been forever.
i'll be fine. and when? i just don't know.
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