I wish I never had to deal with.....

Am kinda worried bout myself the past few days, am having this really blank spaces, one time I was talking to one of my siblings and then my mind just went ka-blag! nowhere! no kidding, like I was trapped in someone's body and wasn't even aware where and who am I, then after a few seconds, thaen will I just realized that I am having theses emotional blackouts again....

Yeah, it has been me always...I always deal with my problems that way...I remember when I was in high school..I was stucked in a situation that badly need my parent's attention, I couldn't get away with that problem without my parents I know.....Iam such a strong person outside but really, am a weakling inside, I just don't want anybody to know, well especially my parents. I dunno why, maybe perhaps, it's one distinct character I have being in the middle, you know being the middle child. I was used to dealing with probs and circumstances all alone, I'd rather keep it ot myself than burst it all out to my parents, or even to my friends.

I know, maybe am so sounding like so full of pride, but I don't look it that way, I just don't want to bother people, and if I need some help, I know I will soon find way to talk...but I don't know, maybe it's just me, crazy me...i know. I'd rather help maybe, than be the one needing help...I sometimes find ways to help myself in a way.....

But now, I guess am in the boat ride where I may be needing some help, and some good words to really help me with my day....Iam just so full of load and sometimes it makes me sleepless just thinkin bout it...

I just don't know who to turn to....the very friend that I thought will always be here with me no matter what, is also having problems of her own. My parents are too sad to even hear one of my whinings...my sistahs.....they rather hear the happy things and won't have time to hear my rants. My bro...he is kinda sad being alone in the middle east while the wife is off to UK in a few days.So this leaves me with no ther choice than to blog and just time and again, rant...sorry peeps

I just maybe wanna cry my heart out...maybe I need some time alone, but I'd rather just keep it again to myself....and cry till I get tired and sleep.

Whatever.....am just so so sad....

I wish I never have to deal with it.....