if only

i wanna be able to compromise myself from these intial fears and demons, sometimes i wish life is not that complicated, that you wouldnt have to deal with problems, that just one prayer, or another, things will get better.but it is not that way, sometimes the Lord allows us to step on rough roads just to find the smooth road ahead. i know life is not a smooth sailing one, if it is, then we wouldnt have to deal with problems and learn from it.
now why am i saying these? it is because lately, i know i had the time of my life, i just had that great 3 day vacation, am judt doin fine with my work and that iam practically OK.....it's just at the end of the day...I have this lousy feeling...feeling like, hey, what am i doing here? is this enough? am I doing the right things?am i saying the right things...am i really content?
this is the trouble with being alone during my off, I am again dealing with the negativity on my mind, and not to mention thinkin bout what could have been...what might have been, what should have been.
am ok, atleast for now, it's just sometimes life is too vast to bear, i mean to deep to deal with, one time you are happy and the next part, you just cry and doen't even know why. do you feel this way? or am i the only one feelin this way?
after this entry, i dont even know where to go, my friends are asking me out, actually it was my idea, but am too lazy to go out, and so afraid to get drunk again..i dont wanna feel that way again...heheh
if only we have automatic aswers to every circumstances comin in our life....
but like i said, life wont be life at all if everything comes out perfect.....
if only i have a perfect life, if just for once.....
sheeeeeeeeezzzzzzzzzz!