iam angry!

i wanna be left alone and don't want to talk as in really talk, i recieved a text msg from a person that i so thought care about me more than anyone in the world, but what did i get??? i felt like he was just making me feel good at his expense, that i am just somebody when he needs that caring attitude just to make him such a good person.
usually iam not really this angry when i get mad, i usually just keep quiet and let my anger just dissipate within my being....i wanna be able to contain my emotions and my thoughts on my own without having to confront things and say things that may just hurt the other person. or even hurt myself by regretting what i just say..or will say to that effect.
yeah this is my attitude that i guess none will understand not even my parents, or my closest friends....i sometimes need that sort of space....i wanna be left Alone but not for long...everybody needs that space and today iam again segregating my thoughts all alone, i know iam pretty misunderstood at this time, it is unfair on my part not talking and not making other people around me understand, but i wanna be able to ponder things on my own, without having to listen to anyone i just need that space. iam so hurt with what i just found out...i wanna cry my heart out and pour everything out but nobody will understand....i wanted to cry but maybe later, and not at my workplace!
again iam feeling so alone, i know i will get tired feeling this, i miss the very person who understood me without even saying something, and at this point i feel that he needs me more than ever. i miss my Lolo....i know he doesnt say much like i do, but he has a very pure heart, he is there for me no matter what...and now that he is sick and feel all alone in US, i just wish iam there with him on his bedside and take care of him.
I know he is not aware of this blog but I hope I make him feel though iam not around, he is always in my thoughts and prayers, and that I miss him and love him, no matter what.
Iam just angry with these anticipated incidents, I wish I had the power to stop him from going in the states....and let not all this thing happen.
But I can't do nothin but complain, and get angry.
If only....i could
for now am just angry that i wish this day is over......