happy birthday

It is June 26 today, Sunday and I supposed sunny outside, am not really sure, but this day I for the past 4 years has been such a special day for me, since it's his bday.

yeah, i remember his birthday despite evrything he did to me, unlike the past 3 years that i have known and loved him, today, am not even smiling, not even hissing the idea of calling him or even texting him to wish him a happy birthday.

does he even need me to greet him, today? i don't think so, i know wherever he is now, he is happily contented, satisfied and looking forward on his new life without me really. here iam sappy and all, but i know that with all due respect i need to wish him a happy birthday, when he won't even hear it.

i guess am still hurtin and healin' at this time, who wouldn't but i guess i should forget the part that he hurt me so badly and to top it all, i don't know the real reason or evn his motives why he have to leave me this way. what pains me are the plans we had, all went nowhere.

last year, i gave him a cd of nina, because i wanted him to know and hear that i will always stay inlove with him no matter what. but now i have come to realized, that i can't always love a person with that spontaneity unless he loves me back the way i wanted,or the way i need to be loved back. yeah i still love him, but i think i hate him more now than love. love is just a feeling that i can never understand up till now, maybe because i end up falling for the wrong person, and wrong reasons. i won't stay inlove with him now because he has found someone more worthy of his love, more worthy of his forever,though it pains me, i have to give up loving him, even a bit.

because frankly, i don't think i deserved to be treated that way, even if i did him wrong (which i believe i havent done anything for him to do this), i definitely don't deserve this. i dont so deserve to be left this way, i mean if he just gave me the reason.

but oh well. happy birthday...i know you are such a pain in my neck, the past couple of months, but i think at your day i wish you all happiness life has to offer.

yeah i mean it...am not a mean person after all...today like any day i know you deserved to be happy, but really, not at my expense.

hehe....