things are going smoother between me and sweety again, although I admit haven't told him that I still love him after I broke up with him last march.(actually it wasn't a mutual decision I was so mad at him that I emailed him how I want out of our relationship) Again he was texting me and assuring me that we can work it out, he plans to have a vacation here in the Philippines anytime soon this 2004,when? Iam not sure maybe he'll just suprise me...wat the heck, I hate surprises...hehe but with him, maybe it will be a nice surprise.

My relationship with him is a whole different from my pasts, not that Iam gonna have to compare them one by one...but this guy Iam with, though we don't meet eye to eye,and havent spend dinner together in the past 7 mos,I love him, it's hard to explain why or how,it's just whenever we talk, you will know that he listens, and he makes me feel so good about myself, things that my family or friends fail to give me. Not that Iam being biased about him, but that is really how I feel.

Whenever he tells me or text me that he wishes Iam there with him in US, I feel bad, and I wish too that he is here, especially during my ranty day....which is practically everyday....It's pretty hard really when you love someone yet you cannot hold hands together when you feel like the world is tumbling apart right within your eyes...you can't cry on his shoulder whenever you had a lousy day at work or at home...whenever you feel like eating out and just having conversations,or go watch a movie and just have fun..... it is pretty hard...really, and there are a lot of doubts and fears within your relationship but maybe life is really a risk we have to take...

Am still crying on the inside, and really sad but I don't blame him for not being here when I need him...I just wish there will come a time where we know where we're going..when I have the courage to be with him and spend my lifetime with him...

I know you feel that I don't love you anymore sweety,I don't say it, but please know too that I may not actually say it, but definitely I do love you.......