Life Goes On

It's the 10th day of 2009 and after a lot of soul searching and questions as to what should be and what should I do, i think am beginning to see a clear picture.
I know and my close friends know these, that even if I have already planned things, I still feel as if I'm really not sure and afraid of what may happen in the future. Yeah, i have been feeling a lot of hesitations and I could not trust myself to be fully prepared of major changes in my life.
Looking back on 2008, i felt I had too much, but that's not fair, I think my Mom had too much and I am just so proud that she hurdled it nicely. Imagine having a son who almost died, and a husband who died instantly, and a youngest daughter lying to you...I would not know what would I do if I am faced with such ordeals. But I am happy that she dealt it with pride, and she is stronger than ever.
This week a bit changed my life's perspectives and made me realize that I can..I really can do something for my life.I met with three important friends this week, and this made me feel that I have them as true friends. I have been just contained in the house since I don't have a choice am still awaiting for my UK visa, am fixing things at the house as well and at the same time I am looking after my Mom, I don't want to leave her alone, so am usually going out of the house after lunch when my other siblings is at home.
A few days after 2008 ended, I have reviewed how my life turned out. I know it wasn't so good having a lot of trials, and at the same time, losing my Dad, was such a great impact on my being. How I wish He is here so I can show him that am living his legacy that am able and ready to do things for me, and for them, him especially. I am so afraid of leaving because I am afraid of the things I may lose. But I realized even if I leave if people here genuinely love me, what I left will always welcome me with open arms....When I return, it could only get better. We can't always have what we want because it won't be sweet enough if you don't work hard for it.
I should also leave the baggage that doesn't love me enough. I know 2008 was also a time for dealing with people I have adored in my life and a few times I would have wanted to take the chances, but what the heck, they are not brave enough to fight for it and fight for me. There were times that I have already given up on love, but I still don't know. I really don't know.
Amidsts all the pain and the sorrows, I believe life goes on....they have move on, I need to move on as well.
Am about ready for 2009, Iam afraid, and hesitancies are just natural but we have to move on and move forward...with God, all things are possible and I am a hopeful realist...I hope and always realize that things happens....and I need to cope and accept it.


Happy 2009!!!!