What Now ???

This has been the most tormenting period of my life....most of the time, I question why.
My Dad succumbed to myocardial infarction last Wednesday morning at East Avenue Medical Center in Quezon City after running series of tests, he had another attack and that did it.
I just came from his wake, I need to sleep and rest for another day of mourning, expecting guests and friends to grieve with us, am so tired that I just wish I could have better answers with these trials that am getting..that my family is getting.
The first two days has been depressing, not to mention I was there to witness how he died with nurses reviving him and trying their best to let the heart of my father beat again, they couldn't.
It was just so sudden that I am left with questions once in a while,and to top it all, he did not say anything few hours before he died.
All I could remember was, he was so worried that I have to walk from East Ave. to Heart Center..he asked me to take a jeep and to be careful.
I wish I could have told him something better, and made him feel that I was wanting him to get well.
I can't tell if he was ready coz we are not...Tay it has been three days, and I cant believe that you are not gonna come back.
Before watching TV was priceless, when you are around, now, I couldnt watch TV for more than 30 minutes.
Eating has been such a heaven when I eat with you...now I could not eat more than I want to...coz you're not in the dining table to share it with.
My brain is not functioning and I being tired is not in my system for days now....Sleepless, not eating much, and yet I manage to fix Tatay's flowers. candles, foods for the guests,food in the house, details of his interment.....and making sure my Mom is always ok and getting better, making sure my bro's medicine is monitored.
Yesterday was the last time I cried like a river after waking up and realizing that Tatay is gone.
Am trying to be strong yet I know Iam about to break down and just burst out crying again
What now after all these, I dunno.


I hope this too shall pass......