I think I needed that 2 days with him...2 freaking days to sort out and check on differences...
I know I have been so blatanly crazy saying it's done..its over what is done is done...but I just have a lot of questions on my mind....
I have finally asked him to tell evrything talk to me but I have made it clear that it won't make any difference..what was done was done and no amount of apology or tears will change my mind in saying that what we have may be wrong or right but whatever the case...it's still a no go.
I dunno we went to the beach..there was no plan whatever...Puerto Galera ...was such a far away place but we needed to be in a far away land..atleast...we dont have to think about hiding...and to make sure we'll have those days for us.
It was awkward and I hid it from my friends...it was really a get away but not on the purpose of hiding everything from our friends...I guess he was pressured enough by our other friends to talk to me several times and I was as well and I guess that is the least thing we needed...to be pressured by our common friends to speak out and sort our silly minds.
It took him to just text me that Sunday morning to just say "Let's go to Galera"
And I texted back "OK"
Before I knew it, he fetch me at the house....Off we went to Puerto Galera...
Have a lot of doubts both on myself and him but we just needed that time alone and to make sure that we will really talk and just set our thinking to sort our minds that we needed a CLOSURE...for peace of mind and for us to eventually move on our lives....I guess it was about time we hear what we have to say to each other...for almost two years I relied on his explanation on texts, on email on short chit chats....which Im afraid could not answer that what if's and whys in our lives...I needed the direct answer and however painful the sad reality is..I JUST HAVE TO HEAR EVERYTHING...INCLUDING THE F*CKING REAL THING FROM HIM..........
TWO weeks ago it started with a coffee and continued in sessions of vodka and margarita...ended drunk..yet so brave to speak out...I tell you...I could'nt possibly be so true when Iam mad..am so afraid to hurt the other person even if Iam friggin mad...even Iam provoked..you can never hear me say hurtful things...even if the other person deserves it...most of my friends say I needed to blurt and spurt it all out so I wont be hurt so bad in the end...I should have listened..but I CANNOT...GET MAD...AS MUCH AS I WANT TO.
I know at the back of my mind am hoping and hoping againts hope...I know i can never believe in him wholeheartedly...but to end my agonizing pain..to my countless questions...I needed to say something....
I QUIT....
I DON'T THINK IT'S WORTH THE PAIN..THE TEARS....THE TIME...
(to be continued)
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