Trash the Jerk.....

Iam not getting senti...its just....I just remembered that it will be a year after he trashed me out of his life in an instant and to add more wounds to the injury he has caused me...I was able to see his gf who was the sole reason why I broke up with him...and at the same time the gf gives me the dagger look and what have you's lately even called me a bitch when she knew that his bf is still calling me up...
But that is another story...I dunno if Iam afraid..or scared coz he is coming back this Sunday and he uttered something the last time we spoke..he said he's going to try to fix everything between us...
Am not dumb..he gazillion times gave me promises and bought it..but at the end he still hurts me ...most of the time much painful after the sorry thingy.
I know we broke off several times and I end up accepting him never mind if I am going to be called boba by most of my friends.
We havent been talking..the last time was too painful for me but I know I have to do it...I know I should stop expecting and believing in happy endings....its too much to accept and bear but this is the life...my sucking life...bleh
I was just reading one of his emails before I deleted it..the first time he broke off with me on email would you believe...he said...its not you..it's me...same old same old excuses! And my God I cried for a week after asking myself what the hell happened....we were laughing on the phone the day before that and the next day he send me an email since he could not reach me on my cellphone....
And after a week...he wanted me back..and because am such a fool indie...I accepted the jerk....
Now...he is everyday emailing me...texting me asking me to see him on the airport when he arrives on sunday morning...one part of me says go...and slap him again...(I slapped him last year in Starbucks) or go out with him and talk and talk with sense...but it never occured to me that I will eventually accept him ....after all these?
Men! Two years...two years I have waited and expected and was such a crazy believer that my being nice to him will transform him to choose me and love me over her...but hayy..shameful to admit...I know he did not love me the way I did...
He is making his way to make me feel we have chances...but this time....I told him these...

"It's not you...It's me....
Iam not gonna accept you Perty...coz...
I've grown..."

"Iam stronger....bittter??? nah....better...
way Better!

:)