i changed my blog template today into something id love to have....an i-pod hahah...yah it costs a lot the only thing i can do is look at it and just wish i can have the enough money to just buy it...
anyways, im okay so far just crying a bit when i think about him, yesterday i was having some thoughts and still thinking what he is now doin, and i tried so hard to just ease him out that instant but i couldn't..and i cried..again....and really sometimes i just dont know what to do.
its my off beginning today til sat 2am.have no work but im counting things now that needs to be done, like pay my other credit card bill. wash my clothes, open my emails and check my friendster, cook food at home while its my off, greet my sis in law this friday its her bday!!!!, wat else...well i still need to update my resume and start looking for jobs abroad and do something with my freaking old life hahaha!!! and what more??? well try to think bout something that will just make me happy....watever it is...
I read this in my email this morning and i cant help but just feel that God kinda knocked at my door and heart so that i can be able to understand what iam going through, what im feeling and what i should be doing, but honestly, i just dont get the point right now, maybe am too bitter just as now, maybe in time the wound that sweety gave me will heal, but not just now.
I keep telling some of my friends who have had problems with relationship to move on and be tough, but when i had that problem, i just cant seem to walk forward and move on, as much as iwant to, i just need him to tell me what is in his heart. Now whether its something taht will just eventually hurt me, and so be it, i just need answers, and if you are reading this sweety ( ex sweety, that is), iam not asking that we get back together, i just need answers so that i can understand....

now here is the copy of the email someone send me, its from Mr. Bob Garon, someone I admired way way back, he is a great counselor and adviser, i rmember when i was in high school i was able to talk to him in his radio program when i was really down and out, i wish he will also be a phone call away...
here it goes

FIRST PERSON
Forgive, then move on
Bob Garon

One of the more difficult things to do in any relationship is to
forgive. Often we are so deeply offended, so hurt that forgiveness
becomes a monumental challenge.
It is important to learn how to forgive if one is to keep a lasting
relationship. Since we all acknowledge that we are imperfect beings, weare going to make mistakes. And over the years, those mistakes will
continue to add up. Unless we are able to forgive, our relationships are
in for a rough ride, that is assuming that they last. The problem with
not forgiving is that the anger, bitterness and resentment that the
transgressions have caused remain with us until a measure of forgiveness
is able to deal with them. He who will not forgive is doomed to carry
the effects of the harm done to him for as long as he holds on to his
refusal to pardon his offender. The bitterness and anger will remain in
his heart and make it that much more difficult to move on.When you refuse to forgive, you perpetuate the anger within you. Your
enemy or he who has hurt you continues to do so long after he has gone
out of your life. And there are those among us who refuse to forgive
even dead men. This is why the dead continues to haunt you and your hurt
stays with your long after your offender has been put into the ground.
To forgive does not mean to forget. It means remembering and letting go.
"It means cleansing yourself of pain, anger and humiliation. Forgiveness
means purifying yourself so you can get on with life," says C. Edward
Crowther. "There is life after forgiveness, and it is a wonderfully goodlife, perhaps better than you've ever know. And this can be true in every situation, whether you and your partner have resolved your indifferences and are continuing on a more appropriate and happy relationship path."Even when your pain is so intense that you cannot forget, forgiveness is still possible. When you forgive someone who loves you, you send him a strong message of love. You are saying, "my love is greater than your transgression." If your partner is a sincere man and has a lot of goodwill, he will feel greatly indebted to you. He will feel your love and this should urge him on to return your love by making amends.If, however, there is no end to continued offenses, then you must not allow your good will to be abused. If the continued offenses are a real threat to you, you might want to put a limit on the abuses before walking away.The immature feast on those who endlessly forgive without any sanctions being imposed. Thus, the one always forgiving can become an enabler who perpetuates the negatives even as they destroy the relationship.In such a situation, one can still forgive even if one is not willing to go on indefinitely as the victim of abuse.


forgive..maybe in time